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As I write, it is the anniversary of Sr Winifred’s death. In worldly terms, her legacy was not huge; she left no will, and had no money to bequeath. Her main physical legacy was the jotters that she used to make up to sell for charity. She had many of these left after her death, notepads of paper offcuts, glued together, which she had not yet put cardboard covers on. Despite having died over ten years ago, some of this legacy still remains to us. I brought some to Norwich with me, where they prove extremely useful; and I know there are some more at Bungay, which I hope to use to replenish my stocks, if they still have some after I’ve run out – although that is not imminent. These jotters are not just a useful legacy; they were peculiarly part of Sr Winifred’s life, and speak particularly of her. I believe she persuaded a local printing firm to glue their offcuts together for her, thereby providing her with the basic product; a persuasion that was also very much in keeping with Sr Winifred’s character. She was a very friendly person, able to strike up a conversation with anyone, including complete strangers. That may have been her more lasting legacy: her outreach to those she met, and her dedication to her God.
Of course, exactly what that legacy is, we do not know, cannot know. The true impact of Sr Winifred’s life is truly known to God alone. Even Sr Winifred herself can have no total knowledge of the effect her life may have had. Which one of us can truly tell the impression we leave on others, for good or ill? Even a brief encounter may have more of an outcome than we realise. For most of us, our true legacy will be somewhat stained; there may well be sparkles of light, and times when we allow God to shine through, but there will also be times when we mess up, make mistakes, or simply react wrongly, for whatever reason. We are, after all, sinners, as it says in Romans 3: 23. Yet maybe it would do no harm every now and then to sit apart for a while and think about what we will leave behind us after we die.
I am not talking so much here about what we want to do with our worldly goods; that is none of my business, especially as I may well leave less of that than Sr Winifred (not being in the jotter making capacity). But I do think it might do no harm if we set aside some time and space to ponder our spiritual legacy; what will we leave behind us after our deaths? And can we really know?
Of course, it is complicated. Our positive or negative feelings about ourselves may well confuse these issues; and, as with Sr Winifred, we will never truly know what our legacy is. There is a sense in which that is best left in the hands of God. We cannot always help putting our selves in where they need not be, or pride coming along to obscure the issue. But, also, we may well know ourselves well enough to realise what our faults and weaknesses are. Some time spent meditating on how we responded during the day can help turn our thoughts more to what we are doing for God, rather than what God is doing for us – or what we are doing for other people, which, however helpful, can also be built on pride, or self. We may even get to that exalted point where what WE are doing is irrelevant; it is what GOD is doing that is the vital point, whether by using us or other people.
How you do this will depend on your own circumstances, and character. Writing a journal can be helpful, as can talking to a spiritual director. Having some time each day, maybe in the evening, to pray and review the day can bring to mind what we have to give thanks for, and what we have to repent of. These repentances may be before God alone, or may lead to apologising to others. It may be more helpful to take some time apart in retreat, however that works for you. Getting some physical distance from your daily life, if you can manage that, can aid these ponderings, but is by no means essential. You might find drawing more useful than writing, or even recording something. There are as many means as there are people, and you may find yourself using more than one method.
The problem is that doing this can lead to a concentration on self, that may not be helpful. So one key question might be: does this lead me further to God, or does it focus me on my own self? Does it lead me to be more selfish or less selfish? You could try ending whatever you do with a quiet focus on God, a time of thanks or praise. For the purpose of this is not to improve ourselves so that we become perfect or to ensure we leave an amazing legacy behind us. The purpose is to help us journey more and more towards God, to become ever closer, and ever more focused on God, on God’s glory and less and less on our own. It is not what I do that counts, but what God does within me, and beyond that, even more, what God does in US, the body of Christ on earth. Does the kind of pondering I’ve been talking about help us to become more rooted in the Spirit, more able to listen to the voice of God in our hearts, and less on our own? Even this question can be difficult to answer.
So, what to do? I started by talking about our own legacies, and the impact of our lives here on earth, and have ended by saying almost that it doesn’t matter. In the long run, both are true. We are here for God, to do God’s work, and to build God’s kingdom. If, by thinking and praying about what we might leave behind us, it helps us to become more focussed on God, that is all to the good. For in the end, the only legacy which will matter is that left by God, and we will all join together in one amazing act of praise to our God.
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