Knowing God's love

I suspect that all the disciples felt uncomfortable. Only Peter was able to voice it; it would be Peter, always ready to open his mouth while the others hung back. Sometimes he got it spectacularly right, and at others he got it quite wrong. This was one of those times. Jesus had taken off his outer clothing and put on a towel. Dressed much as a slave would have been, he began to wash the disciples’ feet. Only Peter was brave enough to question this; Jesus was his master and he would never let this happen! Until Jesus said that if he did not, Peter would have no part of Jesus. In a complete turnaround, Peter then asks Jesus to wash his hands and his head as well as his feet. Again, he’d gone too far. Only Peter’s feet needed washing. The disciples did not need to be completely washed, but they did need their feet cleaned after a dusty walk. Jesus waited until all had been washed before explaining his action: that they were to copy him. Yes, in washing each other’s feet, but also that this is how they should behave towards one another. Not in a jockeying for position, or in a reluctance to take the lowest place, but in serving one another’s needs.  

What struck me about this passage (John 13) was not so much the reaction of the disciples, as Jesus’ motivation. It’s right there in verse 3. Jesus knew who he was. He knew that God had given everything into his hands; that he came from God and was going to God … so he began to wash feet. Comfortable and certain in himself, he did not need to strive for more. He knew who he was in relation to the disciples, so he did not need to lord it over them, or insist on his position. He could literally take the lowest place, perform the role of the servant or slave – because he knew who he was, in relation to God and therefore in relation to other people. Taking the slave’s role would not change that. However the disciples reacted, it would not change who Jesus was. He did not need other people’s affirmation of that.

Is this too much to read into one verse? Possibly, but I do not think so. The verse says what it says. What it means in relation to Jesus’ knowledge of his incarnation, or in the context of Trinitarian theology, is not what I am discussing here. What it says to me is that in this instance Jesus’ knowledge of who he was in relation to God enabled him to perform this act. For my point is less what Jesus thought about himself, and more what we think about ourselves. Just as the point of washing the feet of his disciples was less about getting their feet clean, and more about how they should relate to each other; a point he goes back to at the end of the chapter (see verses 34-5).

It is common to acknowledge that we are loved by God; we can sign up to Christian beliefs about God, about Jesus’ life, death and resurrection, and its’ impact on us. We can regularly attend worship and sing hymns about the glory and wonder of the love of God. But do we truly know, deep down, that we are beloved children of God? Can we be certain about God’s forgiveness and mercy towards ourselves? Are we comfortable in our status as forgiven sinners, followers of Jesus Christ? For it is only in our knowing of that, in our total accepting of that in the very fibres of our being, that we can truly begin to love, both our God and our neighbour. It would be easy to argue at this point that the answer to all the above is no; that the whole point of Christianity is that we get it wrong, we mess up, and that we need God’s forgiveness and mercy. To an extent, you would be correct. But, while true, is it not also a defence? Not against the fact of our sinfulness, but against the equally important fact of our beloved-ness. The reality is that we follow a God of love. A God who not only loves but is Love; a God for whom existence is to love, however difficult that may be for us to know.

To follow a God like this means to love. To love ourselves, our fellow followers, our neighbours, our enemies. It is radical, amazing and very tough to put into practice. It is only possible if we can allow the love of God to seep into our inner selves, to become deeper and more truly the centre of ourselves, as it is the centre of God. To resist, to avoid, to defend is part of our sinfulness; to miss the point, to think we’ve got it, to not see its’ necessity is part of where we go wrong. One amazing and wonderful fact about our God is that it does not end there. God is always ready to forgive. The very thing that separates us from God, that drives us away from the Love of God, can also be the thing that draws us closer to God. We do not have to get it right; in fact we cannot get it right. But we can allow getting it wrong to draw us into God’s mercy and forgiveness, to allow our contrition and repentance to draw us further into God’s love. Then all we need to do is to pass that love on. Easier said than done maybe, but a subject for another day.