Delighted

How often do you relax with God? Praying, yes, but in a way that enables you to lean into the greatness and mercy of God’s love for you.  Not interceding; not praising; not meditating, valuable though those are. Just resting in the love of God. Lying down or sitting in a comfortable chair, allowing yourself simply to receive, feeling God’s love for you to the depths of your being. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with God; allowing God to access all those secret areas of your self that no-one else knows, that maybe even you do not acknowledge. Those parts of yourself that whisper ‘you are not worthy’; ‘you got that wrong, you’re stupid’; ‘no-one likes you’; ‘you don’t deserve to be here’; ‘you’re not doing enough’; ‘those people are better than you’; ‘you’re …’.

It’s not about whether those voices are wrong or right; it’s not about whether they are justified or not; it’s not about whether they are lies from the past or hints of a part truth. It’s about allowing God into those vulnerable areas, those negative areas, and … just that. Allowing God into the depths of us, where we keep our secret selves, that we wouldn’t ever display to the world. Those voices may or may not be true; they may have been true; they may be based on other people’s false assessments of us. The fact is that we are all sinners, and we are all wrong sometimes, we all mess up at times. We can – and should – come before God in penitence and sorrow for what we have done wrong. But that isn’t this either.

It is – simply allowing ourselves to be with God, not having to strive to put on a mask so that we ‘match up’, which is a waste of time, as God sees straight through any mask. It’s being there, letting God’s love saturate us, seeping in to the very depths of our being so that we realise, however gradually, that we are loved; loved sinners, but loved nonetheless. That others’ opinion of us may differ from our opinion of ourselves, but that what matters is God’s opinion of us: that we are beloved children. It is a truth that can be very difficult to grasp and accept; if we know it at a surface level, it can still take time to permeate through to our deeper, hidden selves. Yet it is a vital fact of our faith; worth taking time to allow that deepening to happen.

Does this sound selfish? Well, possibly. But I think it is not. I think it is a vital part of our faith and prayer life. It is that fact of God’s love for us through which all we are and do should flow; spending time ensuring that this foundation is in place, that it is constantly renewed is more than important, it is something which we should not leave aside. How we do this will differ from person to person, and it may be something to discuss with a pastor or spiritual director. Accepting the depths of God’s love for us can be difficult, and something we resist, and is not something I can properly deal with in a blog.

Nevertheless, there are a few pointers which I have come across, which may help. Physical position is helpful. The idea of praying lying down, receiving from God, is one I first came across in a book by Robert Llewelyn, although I cannot remember which one, and I have found this suggestion beneficial. I think it puts you in a place where you are physically vulnerable, open and therefore more receptive. A defensive bodily position may hinder this, although, even that, I would not reject totally. It does depend on what works for you at the time where you are.

Allowing God into your depths does also mean somehow acknowledging what you feel down there at the heart of yourself; what do you really feel about you? Again, this can be something that comes gradually, and again it may be important to talk to someone else about this. Psychological defences are there for a reason! But, even if you do not know what lies behind your defence system, God does. Receiving love from God may well permeate those defences, even if you are not aware of it. God loves the whole of your self, not merely the part you allow yourself to see, or the part you allow others into. Relaxing and resting with God may well bring you benefits that I have not foreseen, in a totally different way from how I experience it. We are, after all, different people. But one point to bear in mind is that we are, each of us, loved by God to the very depths of our being; that God delights in each one of us, and longs to spend time with us. However that works for us.